


Stuck In The Middle With You

by Robin Lee (maydaysmusings)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-07-31 16:42:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20118271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maydaysmusings/pseuds/Robin%20Lee
Summary: When tragedy strikes, nobody ever forgets. But, some people just can't move on, either.





	1. The Angel From My Nightmare (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> All flashbacks are in italics.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyone copes the same way, but the lucky ones find they don't have to.

_Johnny waves and then sighs, smile falling as he watches Cordelia and Kiara get ready to walk across the street, wishing he could just say it. How much he liked Cordelia. To her face. He looks over at Seren and Taeil and shakes his head before Seren gives him a look and nods at Cordelia as they begin to walk, “Do it, John. Now.”_

_“No. I can wait until tomorrow.”_

_“CORDELIA! JOHN HAS SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!” Seren yells._

_His eyes widen as he looks back across the street, Cordelia turning around and walking back slowly, Ki following, “Yeah, John?”_

_“I…I li-“_

_Then a car whipped around the corner, screeching to a stop, but not fast enough. John, Seren and Taeil watched as Cordelia and Kiara fly across the asphalt, falling limp to it a few seconds later. “CORDELIA! KIARA!” Taeil yells and rushes over, “NO!” He drops to the floor, tapping their cheeks and shaking his head, “Open your eyes. Open your eyes, dammit!” He turns towards the car with tears in his eyes and runs over, banging on the video, “YOU PIECE OF SHIT! OPEN THE DOOR!”_

_Seren runs over, kneeling to check their pulses, sniffling, “Johnny! Call 911! NOW!” She shakes her head. Kiara’s pulse was weak, but there. She couldn’t say the same for Cordelia. She sobs, holding her friends’ hands, “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”_

Johnny wakes up in a cold sweat, panting and looking around his room, shaking his head, “Fuck…” He throws his blankets off and stands, bare feet padding on the hardwood as he walks to the kitchen, getting a glass of water.

“You know, you could install a filter,” a familiar voice comes from beside him and he looks over, uninterested, Cordelia sitting on the counter.

“You always say that, but it’s not that easy, Cor.” He says with no emotion, but sarcasm, sipping his water.

Then the light flicks on and Johnny’s mother comes in, “Hey, Mama Suh!” She beams and swings her legs about off the counter.

“Who are you talking to, sweetheart?” she asks her son.

“No one, mama. Go back to bed. I’m okay.” He walks over and kisses her cheek, “I love you.”

“I love you too, my sweet son,” she smiles and strokes his cheek, walking back to her room.

“You know, it’s rude for her to ignore me like that all the time.”

“You’re dead, remember?” He grunts and flicks the lights off, walking back out.

Cordelia had died three years ago, as soon as she hit the gravel road. Her sister, Kiara, died hours later of her injuries in the hospital. But it didn’t feel like three years ago. Especially with Cordelia hanging around all the time like she did.

“Johnuh,” she whines as she walks after him, “That’s not very nice of you.”

“Well, you annoy me.”

“I do not!”

“How would you know? You never graduated. You aren’t even that smart.”

She gasps and tackles him to his bed, tickling him, a mean look on her face as Johnny just grabs her hands and moves her off him. “Say sorry.”

“I’m sorry. I’m going back to bed, now.”

“Fine. I’ll just wait here, then.”

“Might as well. Not like you can go anywhere else.” He huffs and pulls the blanket up, letting her cuddle up to his side as usual.

Three years ago. But not a second had really passed between them.

They were both stuck.

Together.


	2. Do You Have To Let It Linger?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's not always en explanation for what grief does to us. But sometimes, we don't really need one.

The first time it happened was three days after the accident. _John was standing in his bedroom, tugging his tie loose after the wake for the sisters. At first, he thought he was just hearing her voice as a result of grief, saying his name like only she used to, tacking a soft, elongated ‘uh’ onto the end of his name. “Johnuhhhhhh.” He shakes his head and slumps on the floor next to his bed, resting his hands on his knees as he leans his head back._

_“Johnuhhhhh.”_

_He missed her. She was the first girl he could ever picture himself with and they’d been friends for years before that. His best friend at some points. Now, he couldn’t even tell her how much he enjoyed their friendship. Or how her pink hair hadn’t actually looked that bad. Or how he desperately wanted to hold her hand and ask her to the Halloween dance that year. All he could do was picture what might have been._

_“JOHNUH!”_

_He jumps, startled. No way was that grief. His head pops back up to come face to face with piercing blue eyes and pink lips set in a tight frown. “AH!” He yelps and scrambles to get away, but ends up being held there, hands on his shoulders._

_“Sh! Sh! It’s okay! Relax!” The voice was too real and he could feel her hands on his body. But, it wasn’t possible. He’d seen her body lying there. Seen the blood. Seen her chest not moving after they tried to resuscitate. It wasn’t her._

_He closes his eyes tight, then opens them again, whimpering as she’s still staring at him, “This isn’t possible…How are you here?”_

_“I don’t know the exact science, but I’m here for you.”_

_“For me? …For what? Like to help me move on?”_

_“Maybe?” She shrugs. “All I know is that I kept being called here and to you. The first day I was with my family, then I went around to the others. But something kept telling me to come here…and you can see me.”_

_“I’m not honestly convinced I can see you. I think it’s just my grief.”_

_“Grief over me? I’m flattered, Jojo.”_

Johnny laughs to himself as he packs his bag, Cordelia sitting on the desk next to him. Jojo. She always did love that nickname for him. Jojo and Johnuh were names only she was allowed to use and Coral was a nickname only he was allowed to use. Cordelia clearing her throat beside him broke him from his memory. “So, you got go to school today, huh?”

“Yep. Kinda the point of school. To go.”

“I’m gonna be bored! C’mon, just skip the first day back!”

“And what do I tell my mom? I wanna stay home and hang out with the pretty ghost girl who lives in my bedroom?”

“Uh duh?”

He rolls his eyes and slings his bag over his shoulder as he walks out, Cordelia following him. Truth be told, three years ago, he’d have probably used that excuse to stay home more than a week for grievance.

_Everyone in their friend group had stayed home a week after the accident for bereavement, but had to go back after that and continue with schoolwork. He remembered walking through the halls at school, being stared at in his all black clothing, out of uniform, hair a mess and face a sickly colour. What could he do? He had dreamt his best friend coming back from the grave a few nights ago after her wake. He was obviously losing it due to grief, but that was okay with him. He’d find a way to cope._

_The first few classes weren’t that bad, aside from her empty chair in the ones they had together. He wondered if it was empty in her other classes as well. It was rough after that though, because lunch was empty with her absence, no loud voice or obnoxious jokes or light touches when she would laugh or get distracted. She would grab his arm a lot, almost like it grounded her. He missed the touch. He swore he could feel it, then, but he just stared at the try in front of him, filled with food he knew would end up in the trash._

_He went through the rest of the day on autopilot, until he finally made it home, sick to his stomach and with a headache. He told his mom about the empty chairs through broken tears and choked breaths, clutching her shirt as his shoulders rocked. He doesn’t remember much after that, except that he laid there with his imaginary Cordelia and told her he missed her at school. She just nodded and held his hand. But, there was no warmth. He remembered she wasn’t alive._

_The next day, a brunette in uniform was in Cordelia’s seat and Johnny was going to say something until she smiles up at him, bright blue eyes and big glasses. Cordelia. He sucks in a breath and sits, staring at his desk, shaking his head. Now, he was picturing her here. He’s chalked the first night up to a dream and the rest to hallucinations, but if this continued, he would need to see a therapist or something. He tries to ignore her when he sees her in the hallway and when she sits between him and Haechan at lunch, like she used to, and in the rest of their classes together. He ignores her walking home next to him and when he eats dinner in his room, just going to bed after instead of having to spend five more minutes with this ghost of her._

_The hallucinations grew more frequent and he eventually found comfort in them and stopped ignoring her, smiling when he was her and talking to her on their way home, pretending he was using his headphones to be on a call. She would sit in class and hold his arm during lunch and help with the homework she could, all just like she used to._

_Until that day, a week later, when it all came crashing back pretty harshly to him. He walked into his math class, seeing Seren and Jungwoo come in, Cordelia trailing behind them. She waltzed by the whiteboard, smiling at Johnny before walking towards her seat in the front row, only to be beaten to it by Bethany Williams. Her eyes widen and she looks up, frowning at Johnny who stares daggers into the back of the blonde head of hair, the whole classroom falling silent, uncomfortable with the change. Jungwoo leans forward from his seat behind Cordelia’s and it looks like they’re chatting before his shoulders stiffen and he sits back heavily. He couldn’t make out what was said, but suddenly there was a buzz from a few seats over and Seren was storming up to Beth._

_In the next few seconds, he saw Seren’s face change and her arm pull back before it collided with Beth’s nose, making her scream in shock. The class was tense after that as Beth ran out crying and the teacher escorted Seren to the principal’s office. He didn’t see where Cordelia went and she wasn’t around for their walk home._

_He sees her when he gets home, crying into her knees on his bed, making him close his door and rush over, “Coral? What’s wrong?” He frowns._

_“She said it didn’t matter.”_

_“What?”_

_“Beth. She said it didn’t matter, because I was dead!”_

_“Cor-“_

_“I’m not! I’m not dead, yet! I’m still here!”_

_He sits, pulling her into his arms, listening to her cries, petting her back as she lets it out. It felt odd. Holding her like this. A figment of his imagination. How real she felt. “I know you’re not gone, yet, Cor. But you are dead. We both know that.” He whispers into her hair and buries his nose there. They didn’t talk about it more after that. Beth, nor anyone, sat in Cordelia’s seat again, at least until they got new classes and seating charts the next year. Cordelia went to school with him most days, but stayed behind some to let him have a normal school day. But, all he wanted was to see her._

“You’re gonna be late if you stare at your shoes any longer, kiddo,” his dad’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts and he’d rather not know how long he’d been standing there like that.

“Right!” He leans down to pull them on and waves, “See ya! Tell mom I love her!” He runs out, Cordelia kissing his cheek as he leaves.

He puts his headphones and walks down the street, the sounds of Logic coming through his headphones off the mix that Ren had made him the week before as a way to motivate him. Ren. He’d get to see her and everyone else today. Lucky me, he grins to himself as he walks like he’s floating, uniform fitting better, heart lighter, smile bigger than last year. He was healing after years and it was nice. Even if he did remember the accident from time to time, but everyone did, he was sure.

Skipping into the hallways of their highschool, he spots his small friend and their friend, Jungwoo, and heads over, taking his headphones out, just in time to hear two freshmen talking about Cordelia and Kiara’s memorial photos that hung near the main office. “What’s so important about them? I don’t get it. Why do they have plaques?”

“Dude, they like died or something, I think. I guess it was some tragedy or something.”

“Maybe it was for the better? They look like they were weird.”

He feels his neck twitch but sees Jungwoo and Seren turn around with clenched jaws and fists, making him rush over to stop them, taking their hands and spinning them around, talking through a fake smile, “It’s not worth it.”

“They were being very disrespectful,” Seren says, letting her first uncurl and his fingers wrap around Johnny’s hand, Jungwoo doing the same.

“I know, but everyone is disrespectful in this day and age. Just keep walking and brush it off.”

“If Cor was around, she wouldn’t want us to do it, either." Jungwoo says.

"Neither would Kiara."

"He’s right, Ren.” Jungwoo sighs and looks at the floor as they walk.

“There are my best pals. Now, let’s get us to our lockers, huh?” He smiles and leads them off, “Are you guys excited for senior year?”

“Yes. Almost out of this hell hole!” Seren groans as they arrive at their lockers down the hall and opens hers. 

“Of course!” Jungwoo laughs and opens his own, all neat and pristine. “What about you?”

“Thrilled. I can’t wait to see the world. That’s all I wanna do.” Johnny says, putting his back in his own locker. “Finally get to make a name for myself? Count me in.”

“So confident, Suh,” comes Jaehyun’s voice as he opens his locker a few away from Seren’s, “What name will yours be?”

“Famous traveler and world renowned singer!” He says and leans against his locker with a dreamy sigh.

“I can see that,” Jungwoo says honestly, nodding at him.

“You do have a lovely voice, I’ll give you that,” Jaehyun chuckles and shakes his head, then looks at the other row of lockers, one decorated with heart post-its and flowers, the rest of them falling silent.

It was the locker that was dedicated to the sisters, the one Cordelia used and the one Kiara would sometimes store her stuff in instead of her own. “…They’ll be there, too. Graduating with us,” a soft voice sounds, Taeil coming to his locker right next to the one for the girls, opening it and tossing his things in. “You know that as well as I do.”

They all nod, but Johnny does so knowing that the sisters actually will be there. Watching them walk across the stage. The same stage the sisters had performed their first play together on. The same stage Kiara had planned to do a little dance across as she received her diploma. The same stage Cordelia swore to her parents she’d slide across one day. He feels his heart ache knowing no one but him would see it if Cordelia did. It wasn’t fair.

He was the only one who could hear her, see her, touch her, feel her…help her.

_The night after the altercation with Beth, Johnny sat with Cordelia on the floor, leaning against his wall, looking over at her. “So…you’re actually real.”_

_“I’ve been trying to tell you that. But you ignored me and then…I felt like you needed comfort…but, here we are…”_

_“So, what is it, then? What do we do?”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“There’s got to be a reason you’re here. With me. Right?”_

_Cordelia blinks and taps her chin, “You know I think I recall something like…unfinished business, maybe?”_

_“Unfinished business? What unfinished business could you possibly have? You barely had business while you were alive.”_

_“I don’t know, but you’re gonna help me find out. Right, afterlife pal?”_

_“Afterlife pal?”_

_“Yep.” She takes his hand, intertwining their fingers, “You’re gonna be my crossing over buddy. You and me, big guy.” Before looking up at him with the biggest smile he’d ever seen. Indeed, it would be the both of them forever, he thinks to himself._

__

__

_Indeed._


End file.
